deathlessness | entranceway } { ic inbox

( forward-dated to some nonspecific 'later': ) Meet me in the gardens?

[It's a message that she had been both expecting and not at the same time. She had decided to give Elena her time and space, because facing the woman with the face of someone who caused your death is likely never easy. She has to do it with Klaus, time and time again, and Freya is a much fresher wound.

That being said, she looks up from what she's working on and responds, quickly and easily.]

I'll be there in twenty minutes.

( elena has no place to be, and so she waits.

once freya arrives, she'll find elena sitting on a swing, letting it gently steer her back and forth. her hands are examining the petals of the climbing roses sticking to the arbor that the swing has been attached to. she's prepared herself for the sight of the eldest mikaelson, so alike and unlike her mirror.

elena is prepared, and so she doesn't flinch when she turns freya's way to greet her. the greeting is wordless, but leaves no room for doubt: elena scoots fully to one side of the bench, leaving the rest of the swing's space unoccupied should freya choose to join her. )

[Freya nods as she moves to sit next to her, not rejecting the invitation, but still trying to give Elena as much space as she could.]

I'm surprised you wanted to see me.

[She's surprised by a lot of things these days.]

( elena nods her understanding. truth is, she does need to exist in a mikaelson-free space for a bit. maybe for longer than that. but freya's always been a bit different. even if she is undeniably mikaelson, elena (and bonnie, for that matter) hadn't really seen her that way. )

I know. But I wanted to explain something to you, because maybe if I do, you'll understand.

( why she did want to see freya. why what happened won't make the kind of difference freya is likely expecting. )

[Freya considers for a moment, before nodding. She did come, willing to meet her and hear what she needed to say.

She doesn't say anything, just waits and hopes for the best.]

When I first found out I was a doppelgänger, I couldn't help but wonder what I would look like if I wasn't; if I'd have Isobel's blue eyes or Uncle John's blond hair. I'd look in front of the mirror and wonder what face would be looking back if I wasn't Petrova. ( instead, she saw visage that'd been chiseled centuries ago. borrowed from katherine, who borrowed from tatia, who borrowed from amara. )

I've had people look at me and see Katherine. ( the choices her ancestor made and all the people she hurt. it's colored elena's interactions with people she hadn't met before. ) When all I'd wanted was for them to see me. ( just elena. just a girl.

maybe that's not possible, but that's not really the point. )

And ever since, especially here, I've promised myself I would never do that. ( she wouldn't fail to treat someone as their own person, no matter what face they wore. elena finally turns sideways to look at freya. ) Do you understand?

[She nods, because she does understand. She understands why Elena is giving her the benefit of the doubt, and she appreciates that sentiment, but she plays the bad guy far too often to be used to receiving it. Her brother forgiving her, she expects. She knows that he loves her and does not want her dwelling on things she didn't actually do, and couldn't possibly have stopped.

But Klaus is also a monstrous person who does monstrous things. His understanding of her actions, she never questions. She doesn't think Elena has had the same experiences.

She swallows soon after, before turning her eyes away from Elena to the garden around them.]

I appreciate it. Though sometimes I wonder if my mirror and I are not all that different.

( elena gives a slow nod. )

I've sometimes asked myself the same thing. Not long after you arrived, my own mirror did something kind of similar. She's a vampire with her humanity turned off. She took advantage of chaos that resulted in other mirrors crossing over. She killed Damon and Faith.

( the two people who at the time had been closest to her. )

And for a long time, I blamed myself. Because she wouldn't exist if I didn't. But if what we wonder is true, then our choices don't matter. And I believe they do. ( she believes, whatever similarities she and freya share to their mirrors, there's a different choice they can make, day after day.

and it's important they make it. )

Edited 2017-06-10 22:37 (UTC)

[She's quiet for a moment, unsure on if she should clarify or not, but in the end, she feels like Elena should know what she's truly dealing with.]

Our choices absolutely matter. And I have made mine, absent of the influence of Wonderland.

[She pauses, before taking a deep breath.]

Her name was Davina Claire, and while I didn't kill her, I sentenced her to something far worse in order to protect my family. She wasn't much older than you.

( it hits.

of course, it hits.

in some ways that fit and others that don't, elena was klaus' davina claire. it's not exactly news to her, that there are people the mikaelsons will sacrifice in the name of always and forever. it worries her, that caroline is becoming so engrossed in klaus' world. elena should be the last person to talk, mind you, but she does. she worries. )

Is that why Bonnie was acting weird after you came back?

[She nods slowly, before taking a deep breath and turning to face her again.]

It was, because I was told that friendship requires honesty, and -

[There's a moment where she looks down at her hands. Hands that have ended more lives than they have saved, through rash decisions that have only hurt rather than helped.]

- I am not proud of what I did, even though it was necessary at the time. I've convinced myself over so many years of being able rely on no one that I am the only one that I need to hold myself accountable to - that so long as I can live with my actions, then that is all that matters.

[But she can't live with it, can she? She's tried living with the truth of what she's done to Davina and what it's cost her family, let alone herself, but at the same time, she's still scrambling to survive, would still make the same decision because Klaus, Rebekah and the rest may have had a thousand years, but she has only had two with them.

They were going to die. Lucien would have destroyed them all and Davina was already dead. Maybe there are things she would have done differently, but in the end, the choice would be the same.

She can't prioritize the dead over the living.]

But here I worry about what I may have to do in order to destroy her.

[Her being her mirror, because that is coming, no matter how long it takes.]

( elena has already shifted toward freya, ready to meet her as their eyes lock.

she and freya both know that there are no simple or comforting answers. their world is a harsh and unforgiving one. it makes monsters out of victims, ghosts out of maidens. elena has wounded and been wounded more times than she can count. it won't change.

she retains hope and optimism, but deep down where a subconscious darkness dwells, elena knows it's a jungle, and only the strongest survive. )

What I'm about to say won't ease your worries, but it's part of why I asked you to meet me here.

( already there is an apology on her tongue, because she'd love to say this is as bad as it will get, but that wouldn't be true. )

[Of course it's not as bad as it will get. Nothing ever gets easier at home, it always manages to find a way to get worse.

But that doesn't mean she's ever shied away from bad news.]

If you're going to ask me to stop ...

[She's not going to do that. She can't. She can't stop Klaus, not with this, and more to the point she doesn't want to. Whatever version of herself this is, she's far too dangerous to be allowed to continue.]

( elena shakes her head.

she doesn't advocate violence. she isn't necessarily a violent person herself, but she is aware the mirrors need to be stopped. )

No, it's not that.

( she sucks in a quiet, almost shaky breath. nothing has rattled her the way freya's mirror did, and that's saying something, considering elena's life experiences. ) The other day, Chloe was trying to understand ... everything. About me, about why my blood was so important. She asked me if I knew why your mirror would want it, and somewhere deep inside of me it felt like I did. Like I knew and she told me.

( she shakes her head again, unsure of whether or not she's making any sense. ) But whenever I tried to reach it, all I could hear was this lullaby she kept singing to me before — ( well. before. it's haunted her long enough that elena would be able to sing it. ) And I couldn't speak. Chloe thought it was a panic attack, and maybe it felt that way, but all I know is I couldn't say anything. It felt like someone was choking my windpipe.

Edited 2017-06-15 19:28 (UTC)

She did tell you. She told you right before she killed you. I couldn't hear it through the mirror, but I could see it.

[While Elena will dance around the word, Freya needs to say it, so that she remembers why this was terrible and why she needed to be stopped. Her gaze has gone from concern to an almost clinical kind of confusion, and she frowns before she starts to reach forward.]

May I?

( elena swallows, barely stopping a flinch. it's easy to forget, sometimes, that coming back doesn't make it any less of a death. and perhaps it's freya's calm and almost detached demeanor, which elena realizes is a necessity, that lets her nod her permission. she nods, despite the slight tremble that courses through her.

she's not sure what freya will be looking, only hopes that she finds it. )

[She closes her eyes as her hands come to rest very gently against one on her shoulder and the other cupping the side of her face gently. She tries to focus, not necessarily forcing her magic to find the offending spell in question, but merely inquiring as though to find it.]

The lullaby she sang was something that Dahlia used to sing to us as a child, as a means of trying to calm us when our power ... was beyond our control. It's possible that my mirror might have woven a spell into it to hide her true motives.

( well that just makes it creepier, taking into consideration what she does know about dahlia.

elena's lashes flutter, eyes opening to search freya's expression. her own is mired with worry, and maybe a little anxiety. ) If it's a spell, do you think that means you can undo it? ( freya's magic operates much in the same way, doesn't it? )

[Weeeeeeeeeeell it both does and doesn't. She pauses for a moment, when she finally finds the tendrils of the spell resting in Elena's memory and she pulls back with a frown.]

I can certainly try. But if my theory is correct, she is still bound to Dahlia. Which means she is stronger than me and her magic is more stable than mine.

[There were some pros and cons to being bound to Dahlia, but a lot of the cons outweighed the pros by a mile.]

I can attempt to brute force it, but I worry that that will erase the memory entirely, and that won't help us. But I can work on it, and see if there's a sneaky way around it.

( elena considers the theory for a split second, and decides that she is inclined to believe it, as well. as short as her interaction was with the mirror, she behaved more like what dahlia has been described to be than freya herself.

a shiver threatens to run down her spine, but elena nods again in conviction. )

I'll help however I can. ( she may not be able to do much, but if there's something, she'd want to do it. )

[Freya nods in agreement with a small smile, before reaching down to give her hands a squeeze.]

For right now, though, try not to worry too much. If she needs that much blood, it's likely a rather large spell she's working on. We have time.

[Meaning don't stress yourself into another panic attack, Elena.]

Just do not tell my brother I said that, because he will vehemently disagree.

( freya's practicality has often been a source of comfort to elena, and this time is no different.

so elena chooses to believe her: it makes sense, and they have time.

she finally manages to return a smile, giving freya's hands a light squeeze in return. )

Your secret is safe with me. I'd rather we take our time to prepare instead of letting our emotions rule on this one. ( it's how people tend to get sloppy. )

You and I both.

[She nods, before taking a deep breath.]

I am sorry, Elena. That I couldn't do more to help you.

( elena mimics freya's earlier gesture. she is the one who takes freya's hands in her own. perhaps for some this alone would seem an abomination, mikaelson and petrova, linked together by a harrowing experience neither orchestrated. )

I know I can tell you that you have nothing to be sorry for, and it won't make a difference.

( it didn't for her, after all, when people would insist her parents' death was not her fault. )

So I do. I forgive you. But promise me you'll try to forgive yourself.

somewhere lives the preposterous idea that i forgive myself.

deathlessness - 2017-07-05 02:26 (UTC) - Expand